壹
One year and thirteen days ago, I lost my husband, Dave. His death was sudden and unexpected.
一年零十三天前,我丈夫Dave离开哥伦比亚选手夺得金牌,喜获接受了杏彩体育我。他走得很突然。
We were at Mexico, celebrating a friend's fiftieth birthday party.
当时,我们在墨西哥参加一个朋友的五十岁生日聚会。
I took a nap. He went to work out.
我在午休。他出去锻炼了。
What followed was the unthinkable—I walked into a gym to find him lying on the floor.
接下来发生了一件我从来都不敢想的事——我走进健身房,看到Dave躺在地板上。
I flew home to tell my children that their father was gone. I watched his casket being lowered into the ground.
我飞回家告诉了孩子们他们的爸爸去世了。我亲眼看着他的棺材被埋进土里。
贰
For many months afterward, and at many times since, I was swallowed up in the deep fog of grief—what I think of as the void—an emptiness that fills your heart, your lungs, constricts your ability to think or even to breathe.
他去世的好几个月里,我经常悲伤得无法自拔,内心只觉得一片无尽的空虚四处蔓延,占据了我的五脏六腑,我无力思考,甚至感觉自己要窒息了。
Dave's death changed me in very profound ways. I learned about the depths of sadness and the brutality of loss.
Dave的死深刻地改变了我。我终于明白了什么叫切肤之痛,也体会到了痛失所爱的残酷。
But I also learned that when life sucks you under, you can kick against the bottom, find the surface, and breathe again.
但是,我也明白了,但生活给哥伦比亚选手夺得金牌,喜获接受你当头一棒,让你堕入悲伤之河,你能做的就是奋力游向水面,重新呼吸。
I learned that in the face of the void—or in the face of any challenge—you can choose joy and meaning.
我明白了,即使悲伤至空虚,或是面对巨大挑战,你仍然可以选择快乐和有意义的生活。
叁
You will almost certainly face more and deeper adversity.
我们总会碰到很多、很难面对的挑战。
There's loss of opportunity: the job that doesn't work out, the illness or crime that changes everything in an instant.
有时错失机会哥伦比亚选手夺得金牌,喜获接受:工作不合适、遭遇疾病或者事故因而一切瞬间改变。
There's loss of dignity: the sharp sting of prejudice when it happens.
有时尊严尽失:刻薄的偏见常常刺痛人心。
There's loss of love: the broken relationships that can’t be repaired. And sometimes there’s loss of life itself.
有时缘尽人散:亲密关系一旦破碎就难重圆。有时不仅是生离,还有死别。
Many of you may have already experience the kind of tragedy and hardship that leave an indelible mark.
你们当中有些人或许已经经历过这种刻骨的悲剧和苦难,它们给你们的人生留下不可拭去的伤痕。
The question is not if some of these things will happen to you. They will. But I want to talk about today is what you do next.
问题不是这些事情会不会发生在你身上。它们迟早都会发生的。但是我今天想说的是,这些事发生之后,我们应该怎么做。
About the things you can do to overcome adversity, no matter when it hits you or how it hits you.
不管是什么困难,也不管它们以怎样的方式发生在你身上,关键是你怎样从这些困难中走出来。
It is the hard days—the days that challenge you to your very core—that will determine who you are.
其实,正是那些难捱的日子,那些把你逼到崩溃的边缘的日子决定了你是一个怎样的人。
You will be defined not just by what you achieve, but by how you survive.
塑造你的不仅仅是你的成就,还有你是如何在困境中奋起的。
肆
After spending decades studying how people deal setbacks, psychologist Martin Seligman found that there are three P's—personalization, pervasiveness, and permanence—that are critical to how we bounce back from hardship.
心理学家马丁·塞利格曼研究几十年后发现,从苦难中振作起来关键要做到以下三点——不要过分自责、不要过分解读以及不要以为伤痛永远不会褪去。
The seeds of resilience are planted in the way we process the negative events of our lives.
恢复的种子就根植于我们处理生命中那些不好的事情的过程中。
The first P is personalization—the belief that we are at fault.
第一条是不要过分自责,就是说不要把悲伤的原因归咎于我们自己身上。
This is different from taking responsibility, which you should always do. This is the lesson that not everything that happens to us happens because of us.
承担责任是应该的,但是不要过分自责。不是所有发生在我们身上不好的事情都是我们自己造成的。
Studies show that getting past personalization can make you stronger.
研究表明减少过分自责确实会让人强大起来。
Not taking failures personally allows us to recover—and even to thrive.
只有走出过分自责的阴影,才能尽快恢复,甚至督促自己做得更好。
The second's P is pervasiveness—the belief that an event will affect all areas of your life.
第二条是不要过分解读,就是不要笃定坏事一定会影响你生活的方方面面。
There's nowhere to hide from the all-consuming sadness.
人们常常会已为悲伤大过天,根本无处可逃。
The third P is permanence—the belief that the sorrow will last forever.
第三条是不要以为伤痛永远不会褪去。
We often project our current feelings out indefinitely.
我们总是觉得当前不好的感觉会无限延伸。
We are anxious—and then we are anxious that we're anxious. We are sad—and then we are sad that we're sad.
我们感到焦虑,然后因为焦虑而焦虑;感到伤心,然后因为伤心而伤心。
Instead, we should accept our feelings—but know that they will not last forever.
实际上,我们应该诚实面对自己的感觉,并且要知道那些感觉不会永远持续下去的。
The three P's are common emotional reactions to so many things that happen to us—in our careers, our personal lives, and our relationships.
这三条原则针对的是我们遇到许多事情后常见的反应,不管是在事业上,个人生活里,还是人际关系中。
伍
You're probably feeling one of them right now about something in your life.
没准你现在就在经历一些挫折。
But if you can recognize you are falling into these traps, you can correct.
不过,如果你能清醒地发现这些陷阱,那么你还有自救的机会。
Because just as our bodies have a physiological immune system, our brains have a psychological immune system—and there are things you can do to help kick it into gear.
我们的身体里都有免疫系统,其实大脑里也有精神免疫系统,只要用点办法才能启动。
Finding gratitude and appreciation is the key to resilience.
常怀感激之情是走出悲伤的关键。
People who take the time to list things they are grateful for are healthier and happier.
花时间列出那些值得感恩的事情,人就会变得更快乐、更健康。
You can try this way. Before you go to bed write down three moments of joy.
你可以试试这么做。每天晚上睡觉之前,写下三件当天高兴的事。
This really simple practice could change your life. Because no matter what happens each day, you go to bed thinking of something cheerful.
这做起来真的很简单。因为不管每天发生了什么,你睡觉的时候都在想着快乐的事。
Try it. Try it tonight when you have so many things to be joyful for.
今晚就试试吧!你今天肯定就有很多开心的事。
本文节选自 Sheryl Sandberg 2016年在伯克利大学的毕业演讲
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